


It's Not About You

by Live



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Character Death, Choices, I Need To Write Something More Happier For These Two Idiots, Introspective Stephen, M/M, Sacrifice, potential angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 03:05:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14707931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Live/pseuds/Live
Summary: There were two times they win. One that ended Captain America’s life, one that ended Iron Man's. The choice was Stephen’s to make.





	It's Not About You

It’s not about you.

He has to remember that. It has to be his mantra going forward. If he has to die for the universe to survive then he will. If other people have to die to save the universe then he’ll have to let them die. If he catches feelings for another major player in the saving of the universe then he’ll have to force himself to remain unbiased. 

It’s not about you.

He thought he had gotten passed this point. He had sacrificed his hands- the career he loved and built his whole life around- for the greater good. He had devoted his every waking hour- his every sleeping hour- to learning more and more of the mystic arts. He had died consistently in an endless loop to make a bargain to save the world. He had proved he understood what that phrase meant.

It’s not about you.

And yet he can’t make this choice. A choice only he can make. A choice between lives: Captain America’s or Tony Stark’s. 

It’s not about you.

But it is about him.

It’s always about him.

About Tony Stark and his stupid all-knowing grin and adorably eager smirk. It’s always about Tony Stark. He enters a room and the room gravitates around him. Every interesting person in the world paling in comparison to him. He’s a genius so he must know best, even when he’s wrong. And even now. Even now, when the world’s about to end it’s about him, because he’s the turning point. The only thing that will keep them alive. If he can stay alive himself first. 

And there’s only one way to keep Tony alive long enough to save the universe. Stephen must give up the time stone for him, but it’s afterwards where the difference in endings is. In one, Stephen’s final words are “Tony, there was no other way”, in the other Stephen says nothing just gives Tony a small shake of his head; that could mean anything as far as Tony’s concerned. One will lead to a world saved, in mourning for Captain America. One will lead to a world saved, Iron Man immortalised as a hero. 

Stephen can’t make this choice. It’s not fair for anyone involved. Leaving the choice to a biased man. To a man who wants to be the moral compass, who wants to do his best for the universe, but can’t decide. 

It’s not about you.

But, who’s to say a world Captain America-less is better or worse than a world Iron Man-less. They’d both be devastating losses. They’d both sacrifice themselves for the other, even after the whole ‘civil war’ debacle. 

He wonders if Tony would know Stephen chose to let him die, if he chooses that ending. Stephen imagines he would. Imagines Tony wouldn’t even be surprised, the man expecting his teammates to let him down at this point. Captain America would never know if Stephen chose to kill him, but Tony would. He’d only know there was one ending (lies), but he’d know what Stephen chose. 

Tony would always know. 

It’s not about you.

Only it kind of is, because Stephen is smitten and smitten and smitten. It’s disgusting really. Stephen hasn’t felt such a juvenile crush in... well his entire life really. There was Christine, who he loved- loves, but everything always selfishly came back to Stephen. And now it’s Stephen wanting to give and give and give and he’s not sure how to deal with that. Doesn’t know if that’s a destructive mind-set for a future Sorcerer Supreme (he needs Wong, Wong would know what to do). 

Stephen lives the two futures they win as far as he can. They’re not perfect renditions of the future, variables getting harder and harder to control the further he goes. But, he sees himself flourish in his love of Tony. Sees Tony fall for him after years of friendship. He sees Captain America return to America. Sees two misplaced World War 2 veterans live a long life together. 

It’s not about you. 

It’s not about Stephen, but this decision. This decision that’s his alone. That will affect him. It will hurt him. It will benefit him. It’s not about him, but it will affect him. Affect everything. 

Captain America’s mantle is replaced by Sam Wilson or Bucky Barnes. Iron Man is never replace, but there’s War machine, Rescue, Iron heart. Both Captain America and Iron Man tie into so many events that it’s impossible to know the better outcome. Without Captain America some loses are guaranteed. Without Iron Man other loses are guaranteed. The world’s victories hanging in balance between their lives. All the world’s victories guaranteed if both of them live, but no future where that’s the outcome.

Neither future is better than the other. For the world at least. They’ll be devastating fights either way. They’ll be joyful events either way. But, there are personal differences.

Peter getting married to his high school sweetheart. Asking Tony to stand in as his father, his awkward babbling never leaving him. Stephen and Tony watch on proud.

Captain America walking Scarlet Witch down the aisle to Vision. Tears of happiness fall from everyone’s eyes.

Scarlet Witch apologising to Tony, the two managing to have a professional relationship. Scarlet Witch becoming a trusted ally and friend of Stephen’s.

Captain America comforting a crying Peter, at a loss of what to do without Tony in his life. Captain America becoming his friend. 

Bruce living with Tony, their friendship healing as the two catch up, as the two try and listen.

Thor securing refuge for his Asgardians at Captain America’s disregard for laws in the face of an ally’s scrutiny. 

Tony using his technology to get rid of the trigger words from Bucky’s mind. A final gift for his lost friend.

Captain America burying his shield with Tony. Acceptance of an end he never truly wished for.

A public mourning for the man that the government refused to allow back in the country even after his death.

A spectacle of a funeral for a man Stephen could find eternal happiness with.

It not about you.

Only it was, because this was his future in front of him. Only it wasn’t, because this was the universe in jeopardy. 

He can’t make this choice.

This shouldn’t be a choice he should be left with.

But, it is. And Stephen’s still looking. Still looking for another solution, but there isn’t one. His mind, his body, he’s stretching it too far, extending himself too far. After millions of outcomes, Stephen can’t keep looking. He wants to push himself, wants to keep searching. He finds himself falling forward. Hands steadying him.

Even through his layers Stephen can feel Tony’s hands. They’re larger than Stephen’s own in width, thicker- sturdier. They’re hands that Stephen imagines have never shook, unlike his own wavering pair. They’re hands that are damaged though, hardened by callouses, singed by hard work. They’re hands Stephen can’t live without now that he knows what they feel like. He wants to take each digit between his shaky hands and worship them. To rub his palms along Tony’s in a caress that means everything.

It’s not about you.

“What was that?” Peter asks. And Stephen looks at him. Really looks at him. At the boy that will become a man Stephen will be proud of in either timeline (one with the love of his life- Peter’s father figure at Stephen’s side, the other as Peter’s only father figure). 

Stephen explains how he had jumped forward, watching millions of time lines for a time where they win. The entire time his eyes engrave Peter’s every facial expression. Peter’s eyes are so expressive, every thought painted across his face. It’s a good thing he wears the mask as he never loses that trait.

“How many futures did you see?” Peter Quill asks. Stephen’s admittedly not as aware of him. In the timeline where Tony lives, he stays on Earth for a while, Tony leading Star Lord to his mother’s grave. In the timeline Captain America lives they stay on Earth for a night, before flying off to continue guarding the universe.

Stephen tells them the amount he’s travelled through. Keeps it statistical, unpassionate. 14 million, 6 hundred and 5. 

“How many did we win?” Tony asks and Stephen stares. 

Tony’s eyes are a dull brown in the light on Titan. Stephen’s more familiar to the dark, almost completely pupil full, eyes when Tony’s living off a coffee high or the smouldering amber when his eyes crease in joy. They’re colours Stephen won’t be blessed with if he chooses one particular heart-breaking future.

It’s not about you.

“One,” Stephen says, because that’s what he has to say for either victory to play out. Lying isn’t something new to Stephen, as a doctor it’s sometimes easier to tell a little white lie for patients, especially the younger ones. But, this lie sits uneasily with him. If he could tell Tony there were two endings, if he could tell Tony what both endings were, Stephen knows which one he’d chose. He’d sacrifice himself. Stephen doesn’t want that, he can’t have that. 

It’s not about you.

He explains the plan. All the while Stephen can’t help but stick close to Tony. To keep his eyes on this man that he might lose. 

He hasn’t chosen the ending they’re going with yet. He has time to think. He has time to debate. It all relies on his silence or his words. 

It’s not about you. 

They fight Thanos. They fight as hard as they’re able. They lose. Stephen gives up the stone. Tony looks at him.

“Why did you do that?”

“We’re in the endgame now.”

And he waits.

He doesn’t know what he’s meant to do. 

Stephen.... Stephen swore the Hippocratic Oath. He’d never play God, he’d never kill anyone. He has killed a person before, a zealot sure, but a person nonetheless and it killed him. He can’t believe he’s willing to sacrifice someone’s life for his own and now... it’s not the same, but... it kind of is. He has the power of life and death in his hands. It’s a guarantee. And Stephen has to choose. 

He’s probably going to hate himself either way. 

The Guardians fade and Tony turns to him. 

His eyes are shocked. Disturbed. Stephen still doesn’t know what the right choice is. Doesn’t know who should die, but Stephen’s voice speaks for him. Hopes the words ease Tony’s worries, hopes those dull brown will glow amber, even if only for a moment.

“Tony, it was the only way,” and Stephen ceases to exist. His ashes blowing away in the wind. 

His choice made and no thoughts left to be burdened by his decision. When he comes back to life in a few months’ time he’ll fret and he’ll worry. Hope he hasn’t made the wrong choice. Hopes he can live with one man’s blood on his hands. Hopes he doesn’t hate himself. Hopes he can-

It’s not about you.

It’s not about him.

It’s about everything else…

**Author's Note:**

> So, what choice do you think Stephen made? It's completely up to you! Just imaging Stephen having to make that choice though is heartbreaking (which is why I made the story!) Hope you guys enjoyed!!! And hopefully the next fanfic of these two is less depressing! These old men need some happiness already!!!! 
> 
> Anyways until next time! <3


End file.
